It takes love (or at least passion) to make a child together, so why does that love and passion seem to disappear as soon Junior arrives? Where does the love go?

Changing Roles

Often new parents have an identity crisis when their child is born. The mother is transformed from a hot chick with great make-up and hair to a frazzled new mom who’s lucky to even wash her hair on a regular basis, much less try to figure out how to disguise the last ten stubborn pounds of baby weight. She’s probably tired much of the time and would rather sleep soundly than do anything else in the bed.

New dads are desperate to find an anchor in their shifting world. Their adoring wives suddenly adore and spend all available time with the other man (or woman) in the house. Dad may be upset with his sudden attention loss, and it doesn’t help that his previously hot mama is now someone’s mom. Stress of a young child can also be a killer for both parents.

These roles can be hard to overcome for both parents, but it can be done, and it must be done to protect the security of the relationship that made the child in the first place.

Focus on What’s Important

The first step is for both parents to realize what is important. A couple in love makes a baby, and the baby should be an asset to the marriage, not a liability. Sure, a new baby is stressful, but couples that are able to lean on each other and lovingly support each other are much better off – as are their children.

You want to be happy together, so it’s important to discuss it together. What are both partners missing? Mom may want support, conversation and a willing ear to listen to her concerns and accolades of the little wonder. Dad may be missing the bedroom magic that made the little wonder in the first place. Yelling about it or hoping the other person will just figure it out is an unreliable solution – especially since all attention in the house is focused on baby.

Develop an Action Plan

The best way to put the love back into the relationship is to force it back in. Romance might come back on its own, but it may not. Like anything else with new children, you might find it best to schedule romance, at least as first.

Find a babysitter or put baby to bed a bit early one night. Arrange a nice dinner and turn off the television. Force yourself to talk about things other than your baby. Find ways to be physical – a hug, a kiss, a back rub can all go a long way toward loosening up again and might even lead to a bit of bedroom romance as well. Schedule time together at least once a week, even if it’s just an hour of watching a favorite show together. Every little bit helps and communication is definitely the key!